chastesaw: (Nobody Saw My Porn Collection)
grimAuxiliatrix ♍ Kanaya Maryam ([personal profile] chastesaw) wrote2011-11-01 03:20 am
Entry tags:

>Kanaya: Regain Sense Of Identity

[916 Bilko Boulevard, Action]

*It's very early in the morning, when all good human children should be sleeping soundly. Except that if, for whatever reason, you're walking through the halls in the dead of night, you might hear very troubled sounds from within Kanaya's room. It sounds like she's having a nightmare - an extremely vivid nightmare.

But even if you aren't in the hallways late at night, you might definitely hear it when the nightmare murmurings build to a frightened, panicked yelp - followed immediately by a crashing sound.

Kanaya is now lying on the floor of her bedroom, startled awake by falling out of her bed. ...what's also startling is that her hands are gray now when she looks at them. And she has horns again on the top of her head. Kanaya is once again a troll, meaning she now actually looks like she does in her icons. Oh, and now she'll have terrible nightmares every night without sopor.

If you come into the room you might find her looking at herself in the mirror or sitting in bed hugging her knees to her chest because she really doesn't want to fall asleep again.*


[Voice, Later]

I must admit I found the whole thing dubious, but it looks like this town is just as capable of restoring to us that which it took away, as much as it was capable of taking it in the first place. It's kind of a relief to have my troll body back, though I imagine I'll earn more stares from passersby as I go about everyday business.

In an altogether unrelated question, does anybody have an idea where one might come to acquire sopor slime? Say, enough to fill a small recuperacoon?

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-02 03:43 pm (UTC)(link)
I don't know. Maybe.

I wouldn't be any good at it, but he's too dumb to know the difference.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-02 04:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Really?

I mean, I'm not exactly the most patient asshole around. Let alone a fucking calming influence.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-02 05:18 pm (UTC)(link)
He's usually pretty calm on his own. All I do is stand around and say I hate him or he's stupid or something.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-02 05:32 pm (UTC)(link)
Maybe.

I just hate to think that there was something I could have done for him in the veil and I didn't do it.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-02 05:46 pm (UTC)(link)
It's not exactly a stretch to say I shouldn't have ignored my moirail when he was going insane.

I'm not going to do that again. Or I hope I won't, but I always manage to fuck up.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-02 06:40 pm (UTC)(link)
No, I didn't. I let him wander off and didn't even go looking for him. I sent Equius to track him down instead.

I just didn't know if he'd want to talk to me, since he kept going on about all that blood status shit.

I don't think I'm being too hard on myself. Can you honestly say that?

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-02 07:00 pm (UTC)(link)
But before that, when he wandered off. I should have tried to find him.

I'm sorry, I know you want to help, but I think you're wrong. Maybe there are times and places for 'whoops, I tried my best, screwed the woofbeast in millions of ways, but I sure did give it my all' but the end of the world isn't one of them. After you asked others to follow you and trust in your decisions isn't one of them. When you failed someone who believed in you and really needed you isn't one of them.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-02 10:41 pm (UTC)(link)
Of course I have faith in you.

But they trusted me. I don't think I have to tell you how much that... [He trails off, uncomfortable expressing that outloud even to Kanaya.]

I haven't really done anything right. You can't tell me that doesn't matter.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-03 04:58 am (UTC)(link)
[No, that's not right. He should have been able to do more. If this was the best he was able to do, then he's just worthless with no hope of ever changing that, and he doesn't want to believe that.

But he knows Kanaya won't appreciate that perspective, and he doesn't want to argue about this.]


Maybe you have a point.

[identity profile] crusthatecean.livejournal.com 2011-11-05 02:52 pm (UTC)(link)
Yeah, okay.

[He doesn't really want to talk about it, but he'll agree anyway.]